It is probably pretty evident how disorganized I am; my thoughts get up and wander around the recesses of my brain arranging themselves without permission. I wax and wane, I change, I abandon without warning. I am not an impulsive person or a particularly re-evolving person, just a chaotic person. It takes its toll however, because eventually a schism occurs between my Self and my thoughts. I can't control the latter and I can't always feel the former. Anyway, what I was meaning to say is that it's been a while since my last movie post. Seeing as I am cooped indoors tonight, I might as well make one. I have the time, and that is certain. I am lazy though, so don't expect any Sistine Chapels.
"Film is Like a Dinosaur in a tar pit"
A collection of my favorite films that no one ever wants to see with me.
Movie nights at my house were an interesting debacle. The premise of Taxidermia looked promising and I had not seen many Hungarian films. The movie is bizarre and visually rich, unpleasantly so. Meat, flesh, vomit, semen, life, and death pummel you in this film. The awkward part of this film was the long scenes of self-induced vomiting and gorging. Wouldn't you know, some of tonight's movie guests were eating disorder patients. Ooops?
SALO | PIER PAOLO PASOLINI
This is one of my boyfriend's favorite movies. It is not my favorite movie, but it is one I certainly admire and appreciate. Few other films incite as much disgust and confusion from people when you tell them that you "enjoy" it. There are lots of comparisons to A Serbian Film, but Salo is so superior it is almost laughable. I would really encourage watching or even re-watching Salo because there is more to appreciate in that film than the shock alone. Pasolini was a talented director. I think that fact gets unjustly neglected. Salo is a good film. A Serbian Film should only be seen on first dates with men (or women) you don't like.
MARTYRS | PASCAL LAUGIER
This was the movie that we watched after Bad Boy Bubby. He had said that he liked "shocking" movies, and I took this as an invitation to a metaphorical dick-measuring contest. "Cannibal Holocaust is cool" he said. "Have you seen Martyrs?" I retorted. He had not seen Martyrs. He probably never had any desire to see Martyrs, and after that night, would never have any desire to see me again. You see, he was a little more delicate than he had lead me to believe. The night ended with him stiff as a board peeking through his fingers. We haven't spoken since and are now happily dating other people. Once again, cinema proves to be an excellent way of thinning the herd.
THE BRAVE LITTLE TOASTER | THE DEVIL
In the mood for a horror movie? Now there is no need to look any further than the children's section! I don't know what was going on in these people's heads when they decided to make a movie like this and market it toward children. I am an adult and even I contemplated shitting a brick or two. If you know a child and you would like to ruin them by instilling in them a preternatural fear of abandonment and mortality, show them this movie! A "loveable" cast of household appliances will teach you important things about the world, namely that nothing matters. Seriously, nothing fucking matters. Everything good will leave in the end. The movie manages to slap itself together with a trite and predictable happy ending, but it doesn't feel like it. The happy moments feel so contrived and so thinly fleshed out when compared to the rest of the movie, that it feels fake. As far as I know, the movie is about a bunch of severely traumatized junk (come one, look at that electric blanket and tell me that it does not have PTSD) as they discover that life sucks. Their optimism? It comes off as a little sad and misguided because they are ultimately against the biggest opponent of all: Death and decay. We all die, we all rust, we are all bound to the same fate. There is no evading that, no matter what the final moments of the movie try to imply. It's a crash course in Nihilism for Toddlers!
This was my favorite movie growing up. It still is. And yet, I'll probably never in my life watch it again. This is one of those movies that is universally accessible and actually gets better with age. The cliche of "timelessness" actually applies. I sat down to watch this movie with my boyfriend one day. In the middle of Rite of Spring I was gripped by an aura that felt more like a psychotic sensory hallucination. My eyes welled with tears, my pulse pounded, fear seized me, and the world dropped away for all of five minutes. I collapsed in bed with an intense migraine and slept like a baby. This movie is so good that it gave me a migraine.
THE NIGHT PORTER |
James Cameron and his capsized ship of shit can lick this movie's boots for all I care. Again, I may be proving myself to be more of a pervert than I would like, but this movie is one to make my heart flutter. Whereas other girls have The Notebook, I have The Night Porter. Controversial for its portrayal of an ex-nazi officer as the love interest of a former concentration camp victim.
I really enjoy most of David Cronenberg's exercises in science fiction and body horror. Videodrome is, in my opinion, one of his best (closely followed perhaps by Scanners). Videodrome is not a movie that no one wants to see with me, per say. It is however a movie that I probably would not choose to watch with anyone other than my boyfriend on account of how horny it makes me. I'm sweating to think of it.
BERLIN BABYLON | HUBERTUS SIEGERT
This is a documentary about the wave of new architecture in Berlin, aptly accompanied by a beautiful soundtrack by Einsturzende Neubauten. I initially watched it because I am a fiend for all things EN and I had already known of and enjoyed the soundtrack. The movie itself was really lovely. It trumped my expectations. It is also good to have sex to. Just throwing that out there. It is the one time architecture might actually turn me on, which is funny seeing as it would most likely put your average person to sleep.
PIRATES II: STAGNETTI'S REVENGE |
I saw this movie for the first time in the hospital. As soon as we got outing privileges, the girls and I went to the Hustler store in Holly Wood, spent so much money that we got two free complimentary gifts: a hot pink strap-on and a porn. Pirates was our porn of choice. We went back to the hospital, walled ourselves in the room, and watched all sorts of glorious penetration and cheap CGI. It's a wonder what sorts of things begin to seem amazing when you're cooped indoors all day every day.
Outside of a hospital setting/cases of extreme cabin fever, I'm not sure how many peers of mine would be willing to sit and in all seriousness watch a porn. With pirates. And lesbian hate-sex. It's their loss though, this thing was a comedic gold mine.
SHOWGIRLS | SOMEONE TERRIBLE
This is my dad's favorite movie. That is all the evidence I need that he is insane. This is my favorite movie too. It's Black Swan but with Las Vegas whores. I have a very specific ritual I follow when watching this movie:
Step one: turn off lights.
Step two: turn off your brain; if possible, remove brain and leave in safe cool place until the movie is over to avoid damage.
Step three: Obtain copious amounts of marijuana. Smoke it.
Step four: Turn on Showgirls.